Why do you depend on your weight to make you happy?

Once upon a time I was young, slender,  muscular, and beautiful. Maybe even sexy. One day I decided to go through my photos to find pictures of myself when I was 30 something, young, slender, muscular, and beautiful. There were very few photos of me in those years. I knew why. A Single mother is always the one behind the camera taking the pictures. Sigh. I really wish that I had pictures of myself when I was 30 something, young, slender, muscular, and beautiful. That thought made me sad. Now I am the heaviest I’ve ever been and I’ve turned 50. I still have an hourglass figure- It’s just got a lot of extra minutes!

Then I had a new, fresh thought. Maybe one day I’ll be 70. I don’t want to say, “Man, I sure wish I had pictures of myself when I was 50.” Then I had a little argument with myself. One part of me didn’t want any evidence of how overweight I’ve become. But my reasoning side said this: Maybe this will be your before weight-loss pictures! Think about it. When I see before and after pictures of weight loss, the before picture is usually a really terrible picture. Those pictures emphasize the idea that we can’t feel beautiful when we’re overweight.

This is youngest I am ever going to be. I hope this is the heaviest I’m ever going to be. That being said this may also be the time when I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. And that my friend makes me beautiful.

So I booked the photo shoot. I told the photographer Ashley Kaboha that I want the real thing. No wiping away wrinkles. I want the real me. The me that people see. My hair and makeup the way I do it daily (except maybe on my day off). However, I didn’t want her to aim the camera at my rolls. I am not celebrating fat. I am celebrating that I can be happy and beautiful regardless of my age or weight. I have lost seven pounds since the photo shoot. I have decided to share the photos with you anyway.
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MY FAVOURITE ONE I SAVED FOR LAST. This one has the best smile. This one may not be repeated when I am 70. I wish I had a bikini picture at 35 but I wouldn’t want one now. THIS ONE IS A KEEPSAKE. I am confident that anyone who remembers me from my years between 16-49 will picture me in stilettos. I hope I can learn to love two inch heals like I loved four inch heals.

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I hope I have inspired you to remember your past you, celebrate your present you, and embrace the future you. Be yourself and feel good about it. Put a smile on your face. It’s the best camouflage for your not so good features.


6 Responses to “Why do you depend on your weight to make you happy?”

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  1. Jeff Stern says:

    Tina, what a wonderful (heart filled) post. I commend you on your confidence in who you are, rather than how society says you should be. Too often we hear of these fabulously gorgeous models falling seriously ill due to malnutrition or (sometimes “and”) suffering psychological issues such as anorexia and bulimia due to these societal pressures. We also hear of these so called physically fit people (Arnold Schwartzenegger comes to mind) who had a heart attack. Congrats on your 7lb loss, and even more a congrats for loving who you are, not hiding from it.

  2. Joyce Plett-Vogan says:

    You look fabulous!!! Love the burgundy color on u…. and that lay pic and the one with the heels are def keeps as kes!!
    Ive often thought of doing the pic thing too…..still just a thought.
    Ur gorgeous….. keep rocking it!!

  3. Marilyn says:

    I love how beautiful you are inside and out. You have such a gift expressing yourself uniquely and honestly to who you are and where you are at. Focusing on the goal, one step at a time yet embrasing the today knowing the past has made you who you are today. May we all be shaped and molded by Gods hand, yet broken vessels are beautiful, because then all his light may come forward through every brokeness in us. That makes you even more beautiful. I have a beautiful gift for you, next time I see you

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